Saks Sells Sweatshorts

No, that's not a tongue twister. It's just the truth.

($63.00, Gryphon, Saksfifthavenue.com)

And perhaps the most troubling thing about the existence of these Gryphon denim sweatshorts is I actually considered buying them. What? Don't laugh! My baggy, cuffed drawstring denim sweatpants are really working for me in a sort of Isabel Martant-ish way.

By the way, Saks is having a serious sale, and promo code "HOLIDAYS" = free shipping!

Beautiful, Unattainable, Covetable, Nonsensical: Alexander McQueen Peacock Jacquard Dress

($3,191, Alexander McQueen, Saks)

The black and gold silk jacquard print is, of course, stunning, and OBVS I'm attracted to ANYTHING with peacock in the name, but WHO wants their ass to look like a hot air balloon:


Why wasn't this a straight A-line dress??? Why? WHY? ANSWER ME, SOMEONE!

Things that are black and gold and make more sense: Laura Mercier's Black Gold eye pencil and Sam Sparro's "Black And Gold" video:

The Highs And Very Low Lows Of Cut-Out Heels

I'm truly not the biggest fan of cut-out shoes, especially when they're not sandals; the exception, however, would be Loeffler Randall's cut-out pumps, platforms, booties, and various iterations:

($575, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

These I can basically deal with. Loeffler Randall, they seem to know what they doing!

Therefore I was glad to see these far-more-affordable knock-knock-knock-offs at Victoria's Secret:

($150, Victoria's Secret)

At those prices, it's like two Loeffler Randalls for the price of one! And I really like the grey and black onesies. They're like the Herve Leger bandage dress of shoes!

($129, Michael Kors, Amazon)

Also okay!

($775, Chloe, Intermix)

Lurves the heel detailing, but OY VA VOY, too much patent. Heidi Montag also favors these, so that'll tell you something right there:


More bad cut-out heels and shoes:

(Giuseppe Zanotti, Intermix)

More like Giuseppe Za-not-ti. OH SHIT! Like something Christina Aguilera picked up at J.Lo's garage sale. Horbs.

($925, Dior, Neiman Marcus)

These Dior heels are either tragically melded together like couture conjoined twins, or else we caught them in the act of copulation. And I didn't know shoes could have sex.

($48, Jeffrey Campbell, 6pm.com)

The exact wrong way to do animal prints. Shudder!!


Um, perhaps the less said about these horrific Pierre Hardy cut-out shoes the better.

(Apprx $120, Topshop)

It's a sandal AND a boot! Rrr... remind me why again?

(Sold out, Chloe, Saks)

That these are sold out suggests to me that there are hundreds, nay THOUSANDS of women out there with equally horbs taste. The horror!

($160, HedoFashions.com)

Thankfully there are several of these disturbing stripper shoes left in all sizes!

($47, Pleaser, Amazon)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, these are mainly available in men's sizes.

($149, John Fluevog)

Marked down from $239. Priced to move. Quickly, one would hope. Gahr.

($48, Urban Outfitters)

The paperbag as shoe! Recyclable footwear, folks!

Tell Me About It, Stud: My Love Affair With Studded Flats Continues

Greetings from the couch, where I'm still parked. Two iced coffees later... I think I'm starting to sprout roots, and I'm pretty sure I gave myself scoliosis just today. That Tom Petty documentary is STILL on ("Comprehensive, revealing and epic in scope..." um... yes, it all of those things). I REALLY need a shower, FYI. SOS... Anyway, I came across these studded ballet slippers today:

($48, Capezio, Bonadrag.com)

They're cool but a little too literal and look pretty uncomfy. They did remind me of how much I love pyramid studs though, especially when they're used in unexpected ways, like with a pair of pretty pink ballet slippers.

Some more studded flats:

($425, Loeffler Randall, Active Endeavors)

Gorgeous, but I'd love them far more without the ankle strappage.

($88, Theory Shoes, Shopbop)
Sorry, but these are repulsive.


($211, Maloles, Zappos Couture)

So elegant.

($59, Jessica Simpson, ShoeMall.com)

Eeek. Cognitive dissonance issues -- cute shoes but they're Jessica Simpson! What to do? What to do?

($50, Calypso)

Cheaper, though only available in sizes 6 and 11.

($174, Kenneth Cole, Endless.com)

Not cheap, but sizes for all!

($12.99, BCOutlet.com)

Only available in size 7, but cheap!

($12.99, GoJane)

Cheapy Mccheap!

($29, Adi Misbehave, Overstock)

Lotsa colors, but the black ones are safest, don't you think?

($12.99, Go Jane)

Eek. Is it bad that I like these?

($41, Matiko, 6pm.com)

Not bad. But I don't understand the idea of the name "6pm." Anyway...

($41, Michael Kors, Overstock)

Pretty, preppy, punk-y! Only left in size 8. Yay if you're an 8, boo if you're not.

($287, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Net-a-porter.com)

I do believe these are the Marc Jacobs studded ballet flats that started it all. Brightest Young Things show you how to make your own!

($126, Marc by Marc Jacobs, Saks Fifth Avenue)

These Marc by Marc Jacobs studded flats, however, are unforgivable.


Finally, you (and by "you," I mean "I") also need some pyramid stud earrings:

($88, Wendy Nichol, Ravinstyle.com)

NEED!

($72, Argento Vivo, Bluefly)

Sophisticado.

($39, Whats That Cat, Etsy)

Etsy seller Whats That Cat has really sweet handmade pyramid stud earrings with sparklies. They're made of polymer clay and look really cool.

($20, Michelle Chang Jewelry, Etsy)

Super cuties sterling silver pyramid stud earrings from Etsy seller Michelle Chang Jewelry. Very much want!

Bags: Want Vs. Do Not Want

Inspired by a Bagtrends.com feature filled with bags I either love or loathe, plus a few other bags that have inspired in me extreme reactions in opposite directions...


WANT:

($1295, Marc Jacobs, Net-a-porter.com)

Delicious.

DO NOT WANT:

($128, Anthropologie)

Raffia disaster.


WANT:

(Price available upon request, Lizzie Fortunato, Refinery 29)

Dream of a bag at a nightmarish price.


DO NOT WANT:

($3395, Jimmy Choo, Net-a-porter.com)

Too Heidi Montag.


WANT:

($1954, Chloe, Asos.com)

Unrealistic for many reasons, one of which is because I am not represented by CAA.


DO NOT WANT:

($145, Aksuona, Bagtrends.com)

Oh no. Goodness, no. It's like a gay mollusk threw up on a gem-encrusted clutch.


DEFINITELY WANT:

($675, Botkier, Saks)

That's more like it.

Awesome Shit, Some On Sale

Two collections of gorgeous items. They're all lovely. They're just not all within my budget... Oh who am I kidding -- I can't stick to a budget.


STEAL IT

($865, Christian Louboutin, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Prettier than the prettiest princess in the pod. Sigh.

($578, Anna Sui, Madisonlosangeles.com)

Very cute. But maybe a little TOO early '60s??

($545, Thomas Wylde, Net-a-porter.com)

My favorite piece of the post.

($395, Michael Kors, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Nothing earth-shattering here, yet I just love it.

($350, Milly, Net-a-porter.com)

So elegant. So perfectly wintery. So want it.

($265, Jalda, Saks Fifth Avenue)
Luscious.

YOUR ACCOUNTANT LOVES YOU...

($496, Stella McCartney, Net-a-porter.com)

... Because you know a good deal when you see one. Plus, the layering practically means you get three tops for the price of one!

($339, Zac Posen, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Surely this is even cuter in person. And with some cute opaque tights and booties.

($312, Botkier, Ssense.com)

This is half beautiful, half looks like it came from within.

($258, DKNY)

If you can find a more versatile dress, lemme know.

($229, Ports 1961, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Gorgeous, eventhough this does sorta look like something you'd find at H&M.

($145, Mike & Chris, Rarechic.com)

Come and just TRY to tell me this dress isn't serious sexytime. And NOT just because this chick probably isn't wearing anything underneath. Ahh... just PERFECT for the office, no?

($97, Cass Guy, Rarechic.com)

How perfect would this look under a grey or navy cardigan?

($95, Plenty By Tracy Reese, Labelspree.com)

I know I've posted this before, but I rediscovered, and now it's even closer to cold weather time. Yay! Get it! (Whoops. My inner voice started typing).

($88, Dusty Of California, Bussstopshop.com)

Utterly adorable. I can't even deal with all of the what-to-wear-on-the-bottom options that this dress comes with.

($85, James Coviello, Saks Fifth Avenue)

Normally this sweater would NEVER be my thing, but it just has some sort of Natalie Portman je ne sais qoui. Although I'm fairly positive that simply wearing this sweater wouldn't magically give me an adorable pixie cut and perfectly placed mole. Though I didn't read "The Secret," and perhaps I should.

($75, Naughty Monkey, Redvelvetcouture.com)

This is a prime example of the type of thing I probably wouldn't dream of getting on my own, but then I'd stop by a friend's apartment on our way to go to the movies, and I'd just pop in to use her bathroom really quickly because it's on the way to the theater, and these would just be sitting on her living room floor next to the paper, and I'd see them and be like HOLY FUCK WHERE'D YOU GET THOSE? WHAT THE FUCK? THOSE ARE FUCKING AWESOME! And she'd blow it off because to her they're no big deal and totally her and we'd maybe be running late to the movie, but then all I'd be able to think about for like the next week would be those boots. And the movie would be totally ruined for me. That's how sick these boots are. At least to me.

($69, Dolce Vita, Shopbop.com)

Great, huh?

(Apprx $50 USD, Topshop.com)

These are so fun, but they'd be hard to wear without running the risk of some d-bag at work or something coming up to you and bein' like "So, you're bringin' the '80s back, eh, Material Girl?" or something completely lame like that, so it almost makes them not worth it...

(Apprx $30 USD, Topshop.com)

So you're probably best off going with something like this. Ugh. I hate d-bags.