Jessica Szohr Stole My Dress!

Jessica Szohr, take OFF my dress and give it back to me THIS INSTANT. Jessica has a habit of stealing clothes from me, you see? Seriously, HOW adorable is this alice + olivia by Stacey Bendet striped "Emmie" dress?

($368, Aliceandolivia.com)

I love how it's styled like vintage Barbie:

Furthermore, I like how it would go with MY ENTIRE WARDROBE! The shoe options alone!

($150, Topshop)

This dress is crying out -- nay, WEEPING -- for a pair of suede bow pumps!

I Left Behind This Eskell Dress And I'm Gilt-Free

I LOVE Gilt. And Rue La La. And Ideeli. But that's the problem. I love them. And sometimes when you love something you need to take a little break. And so it was with no lack of Herculean effort that I stepped AWAY from the monitor, after I'd added this adorable silk Eskell Lucine dress with a yin/yang confetti print AND drawstring waist (I LOVE a drawstring waist -- SO flattering on a curvy lady like myself) and I closed out my screen. Sad, I know. (Plus, I should've been a more conscientious shopper and removed it from my cart -- sorry!) But we're not out of this economic crisis, and I need to start demonstrating more of the financial responsibility I had... at some point or another. Mama gotta start living off the fat of the land for a while. The fat of the land being the trillions of things I already own, of course.

($99, Eskell, Giltgroupe.com)

And so, goodbye, Eskell dress! I hardly knew ye! Take it away, Nazareth!

I Bought It: Miu Miu-Alike French Connection Dandy Voile Dress

French Connection

I've been in the market for some slightly more professional dresses -- I work in online content for MTV, so this is pretty professional in my realm. I don't exactly need a Chanel suit or whatever (though Chanel, if you're reading this and have some kind of blogger suit program, I'd be happy to wear one to work and watch people's WTH faces). Also, I've been scratching a LOT of impulse buy itches lately, and this French Connection dress was one them. I was at Bloomingdale's, and this pretty much leaped up into my arms like a lost puppy looking for a home. It practically licked my face. Annoyingly, I paid $148 for it (very unlike to me to whip out one and a half Benjamins, but again, this poor dress, it needed a home -- also, I don't carry "Benjamins." I don't think I've ever seen a real 100-dollar bill in my life except maybe in mafia movies... I really need richer friends) and then I saw it on French Connection online for half that, but it was sold out, so whatever. It fit perfectly, despite the fact that it was about 128 sizes larger than the three sizes I might normally wear. (Looks like I'm not the only one who finds that French Connection likes to size up.)

Anyway, as much as I love Mad Men-style everything (duh -- I'm in my '30s and live in Brooklyn. It's a given), there's a time and a place to dress like Joan Holloway, and a time and place to be not costumey. So while the pleated, nipped-waist style feels retro, the ruffled sleeves keep this from looking like you're swilling a Manhattan and vying for Don Draper's attention. It's like Mad Men meets Gaga.

Oh, and the print kinda references Miu Miu, no?

($1094, Miu Miu, Mytheresa.com)

Hmm. Maybe I did get a good deal after all.

Cutie

I love her dress! It is perfect for summer days and summer nights. And her hair is gorgeous like that.

Source: hanneli.com

Mara Hoffman Is Killing Me Softly

... Case in point:

($290, Mara Hoffman, Bonadrag.com)

Ashish LUST + Sequined Boyfriend Blazers For A SONG

WHY aren't I wearing this one-shoulder NEON animal print Ashish dress RIGHT THIS MINUTE AS I BLOG THIS... instead of this 532-year-old polyester/rayon robe someone brought my mom back from China. That's not a racialist comment. It's just from China and it's made of really uncomfortable polyblend.

($895, Ashish, Net-a-porter.com)

Oh yeah. I guess I'm not wearing it because it's $895.

OhBTW, speaking of Ashish, I LOVE this Ashish black sequined boyfriend blazer (best friend blazer!), but it's $1020, and HI! The one I got at Fred Flare is $84. So I just saved you $936 (not including tax.) You're WELCOME.

L: $84, Fred Flare; R: $1020, Ashish

Issa? Why? No Really. Why?

($341, Issa, Forward-Forward.com)

Because a nautical flag is not a dress.

Why Aren't I Wearing This: Presh & Pretty Once Upon A Time Heart Dress

Okay, even though I LOVE embroidering stuff, for I am a grammaw, I often think embroidered clothing can be kinda lame on adults. HOWEVER, I am lifting my embroidery ban for this super presh Once Upon A Time blue dress with a little black heart and arrows stitched on.

($167, Once Upon A Time, Farfetch.com)

In kind of the same way that the Comme des Garçons Play heart is just a little cute, this little embroidered heart is sweet but not too sugary.

This J. Crew Dress Is Taking Over My Life

IMPORTANT UPDATE: I tried this on and it SUCKED. I looked like some kind of neon and peach monk. Not at all flattering on a short, curvy chick. Guess that's why they had it on a professional dancer in the catalog. Oh well.

($350, J. Crew)

I have thought about this J. Crew "Delphinia" dress approximately 8,44,583 times a minute today, causing my personal productivity to come to a screeching... nay, SLAMMING halt! I have a wedding in Hawaii next month. Therefore I think I may need to pull the trigger.

Forget Paris...

I'll take this little trompe l'oeil ballerina print dress with a PRINT OF A DRESS on it instead. I love a self-referential dress.

($59, Oasis, Asos.com)

Plus, do you know what 59 American dollars will buy you in France? Not a fucking thing mon ami. Not a fucking thing.

Completely Batshit Manoush Dress!

($591, Manoush, Farfetch.com)

Dude, this organiza/ leopard print/ crotchet-flower-collared Manoush dress is KILLING me with its overt insanity. I mean, it's like watching someone get a pie to the face, slip on a banana and somehow end up upright, coasting on a skateboard behind a parade float. THAT's how many things are going on here. It's like Anne Bancroft and Twiggy had a hardcore power struggle and paradoxically both and neither won. And really, how often can you say that?

(Credit: Bob Willouby/ LA Times)

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Harlequin Porn Convention...

($678, Interlude, eDressme.com)

I lived out an entire menstrual cycle's worth of emotions when I first looked at this hideous mess of a sequined mermaid dress. Eventually, I settled on "depression."

Dear Preen Printed Dress: Why Do You Cost $1,195?

($1,195, Preen, BlueandCream.com)

Frowny fashion face. Pretty, pretty, pretty Preen dress. You're so out of my reach with your perfectly wide straps and fun layers and great graphic prints. Sigh. Here are some kinda-sorta black-and-white print dress lookalikes:

($484, Diane Von Furstenberg, Matchesfashion.com)

($78, Topshop)

(Apprx $60 USD, Missselfridge.com)

($250, Topshop.com)

Emilio Pucci Fall 2011

I love the dresses from the Pucci Fall 2011 collection. No wonder really since they're all covered in gorgeous, sparkling sequins.

tfs

Power Dressing, Phillip Lim Style

Dude. DUDE. Duuuuuude. Seriously? BURY me in this 3.1 Phillip Lim pink silk dress.

($625, 3.1 Phillip Lim, Lagarconne.com)

+ History of power dressing.
+ Jessica Alba power dresses in Lanvin.

Sample Sale SCORE: Notte By Marchesa Gown!

DOOOODS! I was g-chatting with Lani of Sugar Rock Catwalk (g-chatting makes us sound like we did something DIRTY... or like we're gs...), and I was SO MAD at her because she posted this HUGE round-up of New York City sample sales --- gr gr GRRRR!... And I showed her the result of the Marchesa sample sale I went to back in February. It's the reason I REALLY shouldn't go to sample sales... Because...
I got THIS amazing Notte By Marchesa leopard-print dress (last one in my size -- and it fit, but barely) for $250... Now that is a LOT of fucking cash, don't get me wrong/ believe you me, whatevs, BUT, um... it was originally $1265, so I mean, technically I saved $1015... Right? Right? I also will probably wear it to my rehearsal dinner. Which might be at a pizza place. So?

This Alexander Wang Stud Print Dress Is Making Me Sad

($968.78, Alexander Wang, Brownsfashion)

... Sad because we'll never be together, and because the print reminds of me SO many things I hold so dearly to my heart -- studs, crossword puzzles, and online Tetris knock-off games, such as Bejeweled. Ugh. We were so meant to be together, this Alexander Wang dress and me.

Great. Now I have that Jewel song stuck in my head.

Jewel - New Music - More Music Videos

My Summer Housecoat

My friend Holly used to live all summer in what she called her "housecoat" -- a cheap, comfy cotton dress. For me it's the kind of thing you throw on any and maybe all weekends. Today, I decided to hit Forever 21 to find mine. I wanted something perfect for a rock show at McCarren Pool (which I think are happening somewhere on the Williamsburg waterfront this year): the kind of thing you can wear sneakers with, you don't mind spilling beer on, and you don't really care if it's all pilled up at the end of the summer, although you kind of do, because goddamn, that's pretty much your favorite thing to wear at this point.

Anyway, I found two. One isn't pictured on the site, but is sort of a white with navy/purple tie-dye-ish action on the bottom half. For $11.50! The other is:



Heritage 1981 bold summer stripes sundress, $22.90.

Now all I need are the free summer rock shows to start happening. LET'S GO, PEOPLE!

Gorj Manoush Pink Minidress -- Proceeds Benefit Breast Cancer Charity

Okay, can I say a bitchy thing real quick? I can because it's my blog! Okay, I think the breast cancer awareness pink product bandwagon is a little overly full. I am fully not trying to take away anyone who's had breast cancer or anyone trying to do their part to raise money or awareness. I mean, if you wanna put on a pair of pink socks and that makes you feel like you're doing your part, then, so be it. But my point is the breast cancer month pink products thing is slightly overboard. Though obviously any money raised toward breast cancer -- or any disease -- research is a good thing.

Anyway, that said, after seeing pitches for like everything short of breast cancer month Kleenex, flipflops, shoehorns, and pingpong balls, oh yeah, and the pink PedEgg (VOMMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTTT) I saw an amazing pink dress by Manoush.

($320, Manoush, eDressme.com)

10% of the price of this Manoush dress, as well as the rest of eDressme's pink dresses, benefit breast cancer research.

I shit you not.

YES, PLEASE, WANT! Cheap Monday Night Sweater Dress

($99, Cheap Monday, Karmaloop.com)

Cheap Monday's eerie, Egyptian-inspired sweater dress is what I NEED to be wearing right now. Someone with $99 to donate to my cause, make this happen. (Note: my cause is THAT I NEED TO BE WEARING THIS CHEAP MONDAY DRESS. kthx.)